What counts as birth trauma, and how can you make sense of your birth story?

Birth trauma is a lasting emotional response to a birth that felt frightening, overwhelming or out of your control. What counts is how it felt to you, so a birth can be traumatic even if your notes call it routine and you and your baby are physically well. Making sense of your birth story usually means going back over what happened at your own pace, with support, so it can start to settle into the past and take up less space in your everyday life.

Does it count as birth trauma if my birth was "normal"?

There's a line from birth trauma research I come back to a lot: "Birth trauma lies in the eye of the beholder" (Beck, 2004).

Maybe decisions were made without you. Maybe you were left alone longer than felt ok, or people talked over you. Maybe it was an emergency, or your baby was taken to NICU. You might tell yourself everyone is healthy now, so you should be grateful and move on. Feeling ignored, unsafe or out of control can affect us as deeply as the medical events themselves, and that experience counts.

What are some of the signs of birth trauma?

• Replaying the birth, or having flashbacks or nightmares about it

• Avoiding anything that reminds you of it, including hospitals and your own appointments

• Dreading baby's weigh-ins and check-ups, checking they're breathing through the night, or googling symptoms at 2am

• Feeling constantly on edge, irritable or full of rage

• Feeling numb, flat or far away from the people around you

• Losing trust in doctors and midwives

• Fearing a future pregnancy or birth

• Feeling disconnected from your baby

Some mums experience a few of these for a while. For others they build into birth-related PTSD. Either way, support can help, and you don't need a diagnosis to ask for it.

Why can't I just move on from my birth?

I hear this a lot. "Everyone's fine, so why am I like this?" "I just need to get a grip."

When something frightening happens around birth, our bodies remember it. A hospital corridor or even the smell of hand gel can set off the alarm again. That's why telling yourself to calm down rarely works. The fear isn't coming from your thinking brain, and pushing it down tends to keep it close.

Can birth trauma impact my bond with my baby?

It can, and it's one of the things many mums that I work with feel most ashamed of. If your first hours together were spent in fear, or apart, it makes sense that the bond might feel slower to arrive. Bonding takes time for lots of parents, and it grows in small everyday moments of feeding, holding and coming back to each other after a hard day. A difficult start doesn't decide what your relationship with your baby will become.

What does it mean to make sense of your birth story?

It means slowly piecing together what happened, including the gaps and the moments you don't fully remember, and noticing how you feel about it now. Many NHS trusts offer a birth reflections or debrief service, where you can go through your notes with a midwife. That can be a helpful place to start, and therapy can help with what comes up afterwards.

How can therapy help with birth trauma?

Therapy can be a space to make sense of your birth story at your own pace. I work in a trauma-informed way, which means we start by helping you feel steady and safe in the present before we look at what happened.

Our window of tolerance is the zone where we can feel difficult things and still think clearly. After trauma it often shrinks, so small reminders tip us into panic or numbness. We work gently to widen it, so you can look back at your birth without being pulled under, and slowly rebuild trust, including trust in yourself.

This work matters to me personally. I had a difficult pregnancy and a NICU baby, and the support I needed back then is a big part of why I became a perinatal therapist. Learn more about how I can help with therapy for birth trauma.

Common questions

Can birth trauma show up months or years later? 

Yes. Some mums only notice it when they return to work, when their child is unwell, or when they think about another pregnancy. It's never too late to get support.

Can partners experience birth trauma too?

Yes. Partners who witnessed a frightening birth can be affected as well, and it can help for both of you to have space to talk about it.

Will I have to go through every detail in therapy?

No. You set the pace, and we only go into the birth itself when you feel ready.

Do you offer online therapy?

Yes. I work with mums online across the UK, with in-person sessions in Notting Hill, West London.

Ready to talk?

If you'd like support processing your birth, you can book a free intro call. If you're feeling unsafe or overwhelmed right now, please contact your GP, your local perinatal mental health team or call Samaritans on 116 123.

Beck, C. T. (2004). Birth trauma: In the eye of the beholder. Nursing Research, 53(1), 28–35. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14726774/