Navigating matrescence

If you still don’t feel like yourself months or even years after becoming a mum, you’re very likely still in matrescence, the process of becoming a mother. It often begins in pregnancy and keeps unfolding well past the newborn stage, through the toddler years, a return to work and any children who come after. Feeling unfamiliar to yourself at these points is a normal part of a big developmental change. With time, curiosity and the right support, it usually starts to feel more

Many new mums feel alone after having a baby because support tends to arrive in a rush around the birth and then fades, often within a few weeks, while the need for it carries on for months. Partners go back to work, family may live far away, and friends who mean well aren't sure what to offer. Loneliness after a baby can also show up when people are around, especially if you find it hard to say what you need. It is very common, and with the right support you can start to fee

It arrives out of nowhere. You are carrying your baby down the stairs, or standing by the bath, or watching them sleep, and a sudden, horrible image or thought flashes through your mind. Something terrible happening to them. Or, worse and harder to admit, something you might do. It is gone as fast as it came, but it leaves you shaken, sick with guilt, and certain you must be the only person in the world who has ever thought such a thing. You are not. And it does not mean what

Everyone told you your life would change. What no one quite explained was that you would change. Not just your routine or your sleep or your body, but your sense of who you are. You catch sight of yourself and feel like you are looking for someone who used to be there. You love your baby completely and still, quietly, you miss the person you were before. There is a word for this, and learning it can be a genuine relief. It is called matrescence. What matrescence means Matresc